Personal Accountability in our community

[carolinablue]

I am interested in hearing everyone's viewpoints with regard to personal accountability in our community. What I mean by that is often times I hear many of us blaming anything and everything for the plight of our community, but I very rarely hear us taking a good hard look at ourselves and the life choices we continue to make and possibly considering this as a reason for the situation we are in.

I know this won't be a popular position to take, but let's be honest with ourselves for a second. When I hear that some in our community are considering marriage to be a "white thing", it makes me just shake my head because I just don't understand these types of comments. I mean, when is a committed relationship based on monogamy and a mutual respect and faithfulness to each other now all of a sudden something we wouldn't want to strive for in our community. It sure can't be because the whole unwed mother thing is working out so well that's for sure. I remember growing up and hearing my black friends accuse me of "being white" because I liked to read and get good grades, and that one always stumped me, because those were positive things, so why couldn't they be attributed to a young black man? Same thing with "talking white", never got that one either. I mean, this is the voice God gave me, and yet for some it doesn't meet the "standard of blackness" I guess, as if the black experience has anything remotely whatsoever to do with the way one talks, but we can get into all of that at another time...

Going back to the whole marriage thing for a minute, our families are falling apart around us as many of our young women do not have enough self respect to demand a level of quality from the young men they choose to be with, so as a result, we are left with homes that contain women trying to raise children the best way they know how. Many of our young men have no self respect for women, so they have no problem going from one to the next with no consideration for the consequences of their actions.

Many in our community have turned to drugs and crime, and we all know that this route does nothing but mire us deeper and deeper into a self fulfilling prophecy of nothingness and despair. I am not going to get into a debate around conspiracy theories and this and that, because at the end of the day, there is no conspiracy around who is injecting that needle or who is lighting up that pipe. Just because drugs are there doesn't mean someone has to use them, so conspiracy theories about where the drugs came from are irrelevant to me. A lack of employment opportunities does not cause you to undertake a life of crime if you are instilled with values and principles. It causes you to work twice as hard to find a job, and maybe even take a job that you may have considered "beneath you" to support your family and make an honest living. If you are brought up in a household where you are taught basic morality, it doesn't matter if that household is in Cincinnati or Indian Hills, principles are constant no matter what the zip code.

For many in our community, materialism and the almighty dollar is worshiped on a more frequent basis than our Creator, and yet we wonder why more respect is given to those living the "lifestyle" rather than to those who work hard everyday and live a life grounded in faith and the desire to be more like Christ.

This isn't about tv, entertainment, society, or "the enemy" as some like to affectionately call those who don't look like us. It is about us and our lack of instilling values, respect, morality, and the basic principles of Christian life into those in our care, whether they be under our roof, or down the block.

I am a 33 year old black man by the way, and yes I still believe racism is prevalent in this country, and unfortunately it will probably still be here when my kids' kids have their kids, but that in no way has anything to do with my making a promise to myself and future generations that my children will be brought up with a sense of right and wrong, self respect, respect for others, faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, and a basic understanding that it is not about "us" vs "them", because honestly, who really wins in that game anyway???

I would really like to have an honest discussion around some of these issues and am open to hearing what any of you think about any of the points above. Again, this isn't about causing conflict, this is about discussing solutions and to move away from all the excuses and victim mentality way of thinking that has consumed many of us in our community.

Agree or disagree, I appreciate you taking the time to let my voice be heard, and I welcome any intelligent discussion that any of you may want to present in this thread, thanks!

[blackcincy]

I think that black people that feel and think the way that you do should be the 'True Leaders' in our communities! NOT the JESSE JACKSONS or AL SHARPTONS or some of these LOCAL FOOLS around Cincinnati that I dare not name, but Black Men & Women like YOU that are WELL SPOKEN, INTELLIGENT and are NOT AFRAID to SPEAK the TRUTH. You all are the 'TRUE LEADERS' of the African American race.

[carolinablue]

Thanks for taking the time to post blackcincy. One point I want to make though is that just because the media "appoints" certain people as "black leaders" doesn't mean that the majority of people in our community ascribe to that way of thinking. For example, I don't know anyone in my circle that honestly considers Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, the Nation of Islam, etc to be representative of the views of the majority of the black community. In our country, we like things in soundbites, so we often focus on the extremes, no matter what the issue. To give an example, I don't know many Christians who consider Pat Robertson to be representative of their views either, but again that is what is portrayed by our soundbite culture. Thanks again for the post. Looking forward to hearing others' thoughts on these types of issues as well. Open to discuss any issues at all, as I will be the first to admit I don't have all of the answers, but I do know that finger pointing and playing the victim definitely isn't working for our community.

[CincyJim]

You do go on, eh?

The first paragraph of our Constitution spells out our job. Too bad the bulk of We The People have not taken the time to read it.

[CincyJim]

carolinablue said:

"... some in our community [consider] marriage to be a "white thing"... ... ...

Having lived in Africa* for some time I saw black Africans that were as married as any white American. Marriage is a 'normal' thing wherever I've been.

*French Morocco, Mali, The Congo.

[carolinablue]

cincyjim said:

carolinablue said:

"... some in our community [consider] marriage to be a "white thing"... ... ...

Having lived in Africa* for some time I saw black Africans that were as married as any white American. Marriage is a 'normal' thing wherever I've been.

*French Morocco, Mali, The Congo.

Hence the use of the word "some" in my statement. This observation actually came from listening to the station as many callers held this viewpoint, and to be honest I found it disheartening because it was such an ignorant stance to take.

As far as my other points go, yes, I do go on sometimes, but I don't there is anything wrong with initiating healthy discussion around relevant topics that don't focus on blaming others for our problems, playing the victim, wallowing in our own self pity, etc. Again, not directing this at anyone in particular, just seems to be a common theme from many of the callers into the station, so thought I would change things up by focusing on personal accountability since few others who listen to the station seem to take that stance.

Appreciate the discussion as I am always open to good back and forth debate, so thank you.

[bigtimechamp]

I agree that we need to look in the mirror and ask why are we not holding ourselves, family, friends and community accountable for our own actions. Why is it that we will blame everyone from the cops to the prosecutors to the judge for one of our young black males going to jail for drug violations but we never blame the person for selling poison to our community? We need to understand that yes there are unfair sentencing laws and practices but that does not excuse the behavior. Everyone knows that selling drugs is illegal and that there are stiff penalties for getting caught. Instead of saying how unfair it is to put someone in jail for 5 years for selling crack, we need to reach out to the next young brother and make him understand that one bad choice can cost him his future, freedom and his life!

The criminal justice system is flawed and unfair. There are things we need to do to change it. We need to focus on fair sentencing laws instead of mandatory minimums. We also need to focus on why we are more often charged with more serious charges than others. These are things that we need to work on BEFORE we hear somebody's momma on the Buzz crying about how good a kid her son is and the system is crooked for sending him to prison for 5 years.

We need to pick ourselves up and save our communities. Nobody is going to do it for us. There is 600 years of history to prove that. I want my 40 acres and a mule too but it ain't coming. What we do in the next ten years is crucial to the survival of our community. We have already slipped down to the 3rd largest race with no signs of ever catching up. The more we do nothing and let our kids think that being successful is owning a Benz while living in an apartment, the more irrelevant we will become as a people. We have more black males dead or in prison than we do in college. WHY?!! And better yet, what are we going to do about it?

We need to take back our communities. We need to get back to the time where Mrs. Johnson down the street could get on a kid for doing wrong and the parents would thank her instead of cussing her out. We need to teach kids that doing criminal activities is not a mistake but a very poor choice that can and will ruin the rest of their lives. Once they get in the system their future is going to be impossibly hard.

I have a lot more to say but I'll leave some for the next post.

Each one teach 100!

[fernando]

If I may throw in my two cents here...

I have come to the sad conclusion that racism is part of human nature and I not sure it will ever go away. I have met whites that are racists towards anyone that doesn't look like them, I have met blacks that are racists towards anyone that doesn't look like them, I have met hispanics that are racists towards anyone that doesn't look like them, etc...I could go on for each race that makes up humankind.

Of course since whites have been in power, the non-whites have suffered the most.

However, that doesn't mean one just has to accept it and let it rule one's life. One has control over his/her own life. Everyone has the power to be anything he or she wants to. I would agree that non-whites encounter more obstacles, more roadblocks, and that is not fair. But each one of us has the choice on how this affects us.

I am not of African ancestry, hence I am an outsider, but I believe that the prosperity of the black community benefits the entire community. If it matters I am of European/Hispanic/Middle Eastern ancestry, and yes I was born outside of the US.

We could play the blame game, but at the end that will not help one become all that he or she can. That is up to each one of us.

Of course there is blame to go around, for example, when slavery was abolished, the goverment did little, if anything, to integrate the former slaves into society. Or for example with the media, how come the only successful black folks I see on TV are athletes or artists? What message does that send to young black kids? You can only be successful as an African American if you can sing/rap, or play sports?

I guess this is where the family comes in. People need good role models, and these should come from your mom and dad. We can try to dicuss and try to see where the problem started and start passing blame, but that doesn't really help the black youth. They need role models NOW.

There are serious issues with all races in this country. I think the most serious one that is affecting OUR society is the diminishing of the family.

And to the discussion of "acting white" or "speaking white", please...there are plenty of white folks that speak very bad english, and that their behavior is just horrible (Just look at that School Bus Driver in KY that was high on Drugs when she wrecked the school bus or look at Marcus Feisel's Mom and foster parents).

[bigtimechamp]

I just saw a news report about BET's commercial to encourage people to read. What in the Hell is going on? In case you haven't seen it, it is a cartoon of a hip hop video that starts out "read a book, read a book, read a mutha f****** book. " It also has bootie shakin women and guns. BET stated that it was not targeted to kids , but to adults 18-34. I am in that age group and I am insulted. Do you mean to tell me that the only way we'll read is if we hear cussing, degrade our women and use violence? BET used to mean something to our community but now that they are no longer black owned, they have let us down repeatedly.

Why is it that we will tolerate our women being called b*****s and hoes in music on the streets and in our homes. I've heard plenty of women say "He ain't talkin' about me". Those same women got mad as hell at Bill Cosby for saying stop having babies you can't care for, get an education and hold up your end of the bargain. Either the truth hurts or he ain't talkin' about you. Instead of getting mad at someone who said something that we all need to hear (he could have said it in a better way) get mad at those who are lying to our little girls, sisters and mothers by telling them they are something other than the queens that they are!

We need to take back our communities and give our kids strong black role models. Entertainers and sports figures are OK but we need to elevate the strong brothas and sistas who go to work everyday and teach their kids right and wrong. Our kids should look up to the the bus driver, office worker, electrician, and garbageman down the street because they work hard to get the things they want and need not because the can put 22's on their new Lamborghini. We also need to make our kids know that they too can be doctors and lawyers even though they may not see them on their favorite TV show.

Speaking of which, why is it that I still hear people saying The Cosby Show was unrealistic because he was a doctor and she was a lawyer and the kids didn't get into any "real" trouble? We should be proud that the number 1 show of the eighties depicted a strong positive black family regardless of their financial status. The fact that they were rich was a great secondary note. But one of the basic premises of the show from episode one was work hard, get a good education and the possibilities are endless.

Each one teach 100!

[CincyJim]

carolinablue said:

... ...

I know this won't be a popular position to take, but let's be honest with ourselves for a second. When I hear that some in our community are considering marriage to be a "white thing", it makes me just shake my head because I just don't understand these types of comments.

The people in Africa have to be told about this "white thing" as they have been getting married for ever. (I spent time in Mali & The Congo)

I remember growing up and hearing my black friends accuse me of "being white" because I liked to read and get good grades, and that one always stumped me, because those were positive things, so why couldn't they be attributed to a young black man? Same thing with "talking white", never got that one either. I mean, this is the voice God gave me, and yet for some it doesn't meet the "standard of blackness" I guess, as if the black experience has anything remotely whatsoever to do with the way one talks, but we can get into all of that at another time...

You are talking to/listening to a bunch of individuals without self-respect and with no clear ambition. Most unfortunate for them AND for you IF you pay attention to them. Struggle ahead and let them stand there bad-mouthing whitey rather than doing what is needed to make their life one of respect & envy.